No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
