Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
