So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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