Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
