my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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