Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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