Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
