Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
