I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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