You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
