yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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