i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
