PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
