My first STD was from a foam party
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
