Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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