go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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