how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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