I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize