This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
