Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
