my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
