Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
