Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
