the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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