what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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