My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
