this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
