I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
