I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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