I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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