I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
