I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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