Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
