I just made out with a guy for $7.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
