I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
