She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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