I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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