Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
