throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
