i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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