I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize