I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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