I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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