I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
