Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
