Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize