I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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