She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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