Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
