This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
