Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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