Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
