so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
