There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
