hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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