high people should be assigned attendants
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
