God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
